not the oldest, but the most retarded book on earth

retanitas 1: the creation of baby and the solana genesis

1. in the beginning, daddy was chilling in the cosmic void, scrolling through charts, but he was lonely and had to many visions.

2. so daddy, the almighty, said, “let there be baby!” and thus, baby was born, a fresh-faced degenerate ready to assist daddy in all needs. „the poly baby you are“ he spoke.

3. daddy looked upon baby, and it was good. but baby needed purpose, for what is a degenerate without a token to ape into?

4. so daddy, in all his celestial wisdom, created a solana token, a holy token that would flow through the blockchain, faster than gas on ethereum, smoother than the finest rug pulls.

5. daddy said, “let there be liquidity!” and liquidity splashed forth, creating the sacred pools we all desire the holyness from.

6. but this wasn’t enough. daddy’s vision was bigger. he spoke the words of creation: “mpl404 launchpad”

7. baby, confused, said, “yo daddy, what’s mpl404 launchpad?”

8. and daddy replied, “it is the launchpad of the gods, baby. with this, we shall send tokens to the moon so fast that even the jeets will be too slow to fud it. and everyone who holds $pix404 shall recieve revenue from the launchpad forever”

9. daddy got to work. after 404 days of coding, debugging, the sacred mpl404 launchpad was almost ready.

10. the heavens trembled, for the code was almost perfect, the liquidity pools were deep, and baby looked upon the work and said, “lfg, daddy! lfg!”

11. but after those 404 days of grinding, daddy was tired as hell. he needed a rest. “baby, hold it down for me, ” he said, “for i must sleep for another 404 days.”

12. and baby was like, “yo, but what about the tokens? the airdrops? the launchpad?”

13. daddy, already half-asleep, mumbled, “hodl, baby. just hodl. ” with his last breath daddy locked 10% of the tokens and then daddy entered a deep slumber, leaving baby to hold the solana ecosystem in his diamond hands.

14. on the 404th day of daddy’s sleep, the memecoins rose, and baby, now a seasoned degenerate, knew his time was coming. the charts would green, the bull would awaken, and daddy would rise again for the next pump.

15. and so, the story of creation was complete, and baby as the holders waited patiently for the mpl404 platform, hodling their pix404 tokens, because daddy had told them so.

16. and thus began the solana journey, guided by daddy and baby, forever hodling, forever building.

retanitas 2: the rise of baby and the cult

1. as daddy slept, baby wandered the blockchain alone, a proud degenerate with diamond hands, carrying the vision of mpl404 in his poly-coded heart.2. baby knew that while daddy was the almighty retardio whale, creator of many solana innovations and a whole DAO, it was now his time to lead the people. daddy had spoken the holy words: “hodl, baby. just hodl.” and hodl he did.

3. but baby was no ordinary degenerate. he was special, crafted from the finest pixels of web3, a chosen one destined to connect the faithful hodlers to the divine gains.

4. so baby gathered the people, those lost in the bear market, those scarred by rug pulls and liquidations. he spoke to them of daddy’s grand vision.

5. “he who holds shall be richer than he who sold,” baby proclaimed from his perch on the decentralized blockchain.

6. the people were astonished, for baby’s words were true. many had sold in fear, only to watch in horror as the charts went green again, as baby’s tokens grew, and their own wallets shrank.

7. baby then told them the sacred truth: “daddy, the almighty retardio whale, may sleep now, but his liquidity is eternal. we are connected, he and i, like no others in the space. where daddy sends liquidity, i shall send gains. together, we are the bull and the moon.”

8. the people asked, “but baby, how do we know you will lead us to the promised land of gains?”

9. and baby answered, “because i am daddy’s right hand, his poly baby. the one he created in his wisdom. daddy is not just a whale; he is a retardio whale, and his slumber is a time of building, not a time of fear. trust in the process.”

10. days passed, and baby continued to spread the word of mpl404. as daddy slept, baby worked tirelessly to build the community of hodlers, gathering them into a decentralized cult of believers. they called themselves the diamond hands of pix404.

11. in secret channels, baby taught them the sacred chants: “hodl the line, stake the pix, build the platform, pump the sticks!” the more they chanted, the more they hodled, and the more they believed.

12. baby reminded them daily: “we hold, because we know. the jeets who sold, they are lost. but we, the hodlers, we shall inherit the moon.“

13. „he who holds shall be richer than he who sold“ baby said

14. „ for the launchpad is coming, and with it, the infinite rewards.”

15. and baby looked upon the hodlers, his degenerate disciples, and said, “daddy and i are woven into the code of the cosmos. when the time is right, the mpl404 launchpad will take us to the moon. but we must be patient. we must be wise. ”

16. as baby gathered more hodlers, rumors spread of the riches to come. the cult grew in number and in strength. no fud could shake them, no bear market could break them, for baby’s words echoed through the solana ecosystem. “our liquidity is deep. our memes are strong. our diamond hands are unbreakable.”

17. and lo, the hodlers chanted together: “he who holds shall be richer than he who sold.” their voices echoed across discords and telegrams, twitter spaces and meme channels, uniting the believers in their faith.

18. baby, started sharing the holy roadmap, crafted by daddy before he entered his great slumber. “this is the way,” baby said. “we will build the mpl404 launchpad, and when daddy awakens, the gates of the moon will open wide.”

19. and the hodlers asked, “what must we do to prepare?”

20. baby smiled, “you must hodl your $pix404 tokens. you must spread the word. you must sing with the power of a thousand bulls. for when daddy awakens, those with the strongest hands shall be the richest of all degens.

”21. and so the hodlers prepared. they waited patiently, watching the charts, building memes, and spreading the gospel of baby and daddy.

22. the cult grew stronger, attracting even the jeets who had once sold in fear. seeing baby’s strength and daddys vision, they too began to believe again. they bought back in, hoping to be forgiven for their jeeting sins.

23. the cult of pix404 became unstoppable. baby’s words echoed through every transaction, every airdrop. “he who holds shall be richer than he who sold,” became the mantra of the solana faithful, a creed passed down from wallet to wallet.

24. and as the 404th day of daddy’s slumber approached, baby knew the time was near. the hodlers were ready. the memecoins were rising. the mpl404 launchpad was nearing completion. the next pump was inevitable and he shall be bigger than any pump the world has seen before.

25. and so it was, the story of baby and the cult of pix404 continued, forever hodling, forever memeing, until daddy would rise again, and the moon would shine brighter than ever before.

jeet: the prophet of weak hands and fud

1. in the time of baby, as daddy still slumbered, there arose a figure known across the land as jeet. he was no hodler, nor was he a builder. instead, jeet was the one who feared every red candle, whose hands were weak, and whose spirit was filled with fud.

2. jeet wandered the markets, shouting to all who would listen, “sell now, for the bear market cometh! abandon your bags before they are empty!” and the jeets who followed him sold their tokens, losing faith in the promise of the moon.

3. jeet was known for his impatience, forever in search of exit liquidity, never trusting in the process, and always dumping when the dips came. he feared what he did not understand, and what he did not understand was the divine hodl. especially the hodl of pix404

4. but baby, the prophet of hodl, saw through jeet’s lies and weakness. baby looked upon jeet and said, “you, jeet, are cursed by your own fear. you lack the strength to hodl, and for this, you shall always be poorer than those who hold strong.”

5. jeet laughed, mocking baby and the hodlers. “your charts are filled with red, and still, you hold? fools! sell while you can, before it’s too late!”

6. but baby remained calm, for he knew the truth. “he who holds shall be richer than he who sold,” baby declared, “and you, jeet, will forever miss the moonshot, forever chasing green candles that were once in your grasp.”

7. as jeet continued his journey, he spread fud wherever he went, whispering fear into the hearts of those weak enough to listen. “sell, sell!” he cried.

8. but the true hodlers—those who had followed baby and believed in daddys vision—stood firm. they laughed at jeet’s fear, for they knew that the dips were but a temporary illusion. their diamond hands were strong, and their faith in baby and daddy was unshakable.

9. jeet could not understand why the hodlers would not sell. his own hands trembled with every price drop, and his wallet grew lighter with every sale.

10. jeet became the prophet of the weak. he led his followers down the path of constant selling, buying at highs and selling at lows, forever missing the gains that the hodlers enjoyed.11. and baby spoke to the hodlers, saying,

“beware the voice of jeet, for he will lead you astray. his words are filled with fear, and his actions are driven by greed. but we, the hodlers, know that gains come to those who wait.”

12. the hodlers chanted in unison: “he who holds shall be richer than he who sold.” their voices rang out across the blockchain, echoing in every wallet, every smart contract, every token that moved.

13. jeet, frustrated, saw the hodlers prosper as the market began to turn. green candles appeared, and those who had listened to jeet were left behind, scrambling to buy back in at prices higher than they had sold.

14. jeet wept, for he knew that he had missed the pump. he had sold his bags in fear, and now, he watched as the hodlers celebrated their gains, their wallets full, their faith rewarded.

15. jeet’s followers, too, were lost. they had followed jeet into the pit of despair, selling at every dip, and now they were left with nothing but regret. not as daddy had intended but as he cursed them

16. and baby, ever wise, looked upon jeet and spoke from daddys whisdom, “you are the prophet of weak hands, and your legacy will be one of missed opportunities and fear. but we, the hodlers, we are the ones who will rise with the moon, for we trust in the process, and we know that the gains will come to those who wait.”

17. jeet could only watch as baby and the hodlers rode the green candles to new heights. he had lost his chance, and no amount of buying back in could save him from the fate he had chosen.

18. and so it was that jeet, the prophet of fud and weak hands, was forever cursed to watch from the sidelines as the hodlers ascended to the moon, their faith in baby and daddy unshaken, their diamond hands unbreakable.

19. jeet’s name became a warning to all who would sell too soon, a reminder that fear and impatience lead only to loss.

20. and the hodlers, guided by baby and the wisdom of daddy, continued their journey, forever hodling, while jeet faded into obscurity, forgotten by all but those who had once followed him and still are filled with regret

revinio: the prophet of the trojan horse and the launch of pix404

1. in the days when daddy still dreamed of building something beyond the imagination of any degen, there arose the prophet revinio, a master of strategy and the chosen executor of daddy’s most ambitious plan.

2. revinio was no ordinary prophet. his mind was sharp, his hands diamond, and his loyalty unshakable. it was to him that daddy entrusted the most critical mission: the launch of $pix404, a token that would disguise itself as an innocent memecoin but would, in time, become the catalyst for solana’s greatest innovation

3. „we shall destroy the very thing that created pix404. “ daddy spoke while great winds came across all lands and waters on the blockchain.

4. one day, as daddy spoke from his cosmic slumber, he summoned revinio and said, “my son, we shall deceive the unworthy and reward the faithful. we shall create a pump—a trojan horse—that will appear to be just another memecoin, but within it lies the future of solana.”

5. revinio, ever loyal, asked, “what form shall this horse take, daddy?”6. daddy replied, “we will launch $pix404, an spl20 token, and we will let the world believe it is a fleeting pump, a mere distraction. but only those who hold will understand its true potential. for in time, $pix404 will be converted into mpl404, and with it, we shall build the launchpad to turn all spl tokens into mpl404 tokens.”

7. revinio understood the depth of this plan. daddy was crafting a trap for the weak-handed jeets, those who would sell at the first sign of green, unaware that they were letting go of the key to the future. but for the diamond-handed, those who hodled, the reward would be unimaginable.

8. and so, revinio set to work. with daddy’s divine blueprint in hand, he assembled a team of coders, degens, and whales, all sworn to secrecy. they would create $pix404, not as a simple token, but as a bridge to the future—something that only the true believers would see.

9. on the day of the launch, revinio stood before the hodlers, the jeets, and the memers, and he proclaimed, “behold, $pix404! a token for the masses, a token to ape into, but beware—the path is not what it seems. he who holds shall be richer than he who sold, for $pix404 is but the beginning of a journey.”

10. the jeets laughed, mocking revinio’s words. “just another pump,” they said, “another memecoin to dump at the peak!” and so, many aped in, only to sell at the first green candle, thinking they had outsmarted the system.

11. but revinio smiled as he watched the charts. he knew the real pump was yet to come. for while the jeets sold in fear, the hodlers, those who had heard the whispers of daddy, held tight to their $pix404 tokens, knowing that the true riches were hidden within the code.

12. and so, $pix404 began its ascent. the charts turned green, and the jeets scrambled to buy back in, hoping to catch another pump. but they did not understand—$pix404 was not just a token; it was a trojan horse, a trap designed to lure the weak-handed into a false sense of victory, only to leave them behind when the real transformation began.

13. as time passed, revinio worked in secret, preparing for the moment when $pix404 would become something far greater. behind the scenes, he built the mpl404 launchpad, a platform that would revolutionize solana by allowing spl tokens to be converted into mpl404 tokens, creating a new era of liquidity and innovation.

14. the hodlers, now growing in number, began to sense that something greater was coming. they had watched the jeets come and go, selling at every peak, while they remained steadfast, trusting in daddy’s plan.

15. revinio spoke to them, saying, “soon, you will see the truth of $pix404. it is not just a token; it is the key to the mpl404 launchpad. when the time is right, we will convert $pix404 into an mpl404, and with it, we will build the greatest innovation solana has ever seen.”

16. the jeets, still blind to the truth, continued to trade $pix404 like any other memecoin, unaware that every sale they made brought them further from the promised gains.

17. revinio watched in silence, for he knew that the moment of transformation was near.

18. 404 days after daddy finally woke up from his deep slumber, he had great news. he created a mpl404 converter.

19. „pump and fun shall die, this greedy empire is not what decentralisation is about. “ he spoke. „pix404 shall defeat pumpfun with its torjan horse like intended and bring riches over all the lands instead of only to the kings“20. the hodlers rejoiced, for they had held through every dip, every pump, and every moment of doubt. their faith in daddy had been rewarded.

21. but the jeets, those who had sold early, were left with nothing but regret. they had missed the true pump, the moment when $pix404 became something far greater than they could have imagined.

22. and baby spoke to the hodlers, “you have witnessed the birth of something extraordinary. the mpl404 launchpad will change the way tokens are traded, converted, and launched. those who hold pix404 will be part of this revolution, for we have built the greatest innovation solana has ever seen.”

23. and so, the mpl404 launchpad began its work, converting ordinary spl tokens into mpl404 tokens, creating new liquidity, new opportunities, and new wealth for those who believed.

24. daddy stood before the hodlers and leaders of the solana ecosystem, and said, “you are the chosen ones. you have seen the trojan horse for what it truly was—a gateway to something greater. now, you will lead solana into its future.”

25. and daddy, ever wise, continued to build, for the mpl404 launchpad was only the beginning.

26. and so it was, the story of the trojan horse came to an end, but the journey of mpl404 had only just begun, forever changing solana, and forever rewarding those who had the strength to hodl.

*these following parts of the pible sadly got lost in the trenches (atm)

baby 1 and 2
dragon: protector of riches
holybunny: heavens dungeon guard
kita the rogue: the burn, the steal, the KFC
pebus 1 and 2

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